Sottovoice

Good morning!

We are filling out the third column of the first of four parts of our 4th Step inventory. The four parts are:

1. Resentments
2. Fears
3. Sexual Conduct
4. Harms other than Sexual.

After filling out column 2, "The Cause" we move to column 3, "Affects My". Opposite each of the names we list our injuries: "Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal or sex relations which had been interfered with?" Referring to page 65 in the text we see "(fear)" throughout our "Affects My" column. The root of our anger (and all of our defects) was fear associated with each of these instincts.

In the next column, number 4, we list what we had done:

"Putting out of mind the wrongs others have done I look for my own mistakes... What did I do, if anything, to set into motion trains of circumstances which in turn caused people or institutions to hurt me and eventually led to my resentment for them?"

Did I fail to pay the car loan and then resented the bank for repossessing the car? Was I lazy at work and failed to perform a day's work for a day's pay, was terminated and became resentful as a result?

Our last column, number 5, we look at ourselves:

"...we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish? Dishonest? Self-seeking? Frightened?"

Which of the above character defects caused me to do what I did, or cause me to want to hold on to an old resentment even though I may have done nothing to cause it? Was it Pride? Anger? Greed? Gluttony? Lust? Envy? Sloth?

Page 66 - "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness...this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again."

Strong words! Here is the first indication that we are restored to sanity, but if we are harboring resentment we can drink again. Resentment seems to sabotage more long term sobriety than anything else.

This is the basic 4th Step process. We will repeat the same five columns, three more times:

1. A list of Fears
2. A list of our Sex Conduct
3. A list of Harms other than Sexual

The names appearing in our 4th Step lists will comprise the basis for our Step 8 list.

A prayer for Step 4 and resentment is found at the top of page 67:

"We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.'"

We pray for those we resent in order to be rid of the resentment.

Our sexual conduct is reviewed in the book on pages 68-70. There are three suggested prayers on the topic of sex:

Page 69, paragraph 2: "We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them". In the next paragraph: "...we ask God what we should do about each specific matter."

The last prayer is on page 70, paragraph 2: "...We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for strength to do the right thing."

Sex is very troublesome for alcoholics because sex is frequently used for purposes other than expressing love or for procreation. It can be used as a weapon or as a source of power or to feed ego. With it we harm others, can be quite selfish, and bring unhappiness to those about us. We have used it to purchase security, to exact retribution and to control others. Here we look at it and try to formulate, and live up to, an ideal with God's help. We also remember that if our sex conduct continues to harm others we are in danger of drinking again.

Bill summarizes our process in the last two paragraphs of the chapter. Page 71:

"We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision (Step 3), and an inventory (Step 4) of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself."

In our next post we will go on to Chapter 6 "Into Action" and discuss Step 5.

Have a great day!

Jim - Satisfied Customer of Alcoholics Anonymous

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